One-third complete

I’m writing from a Best Western while my family takes naps and digests the samples we tried at Costco. I wasn’t sure there would be time to write, so I am happy to take a few minutes to reflect on the first ten days of this month-long project.

This is the first time in all the years I participated in Write31days that I didn’t write from an outline or write ahead to make sure I had content to post daily. Some writers frowned on this practice, but I stood by it. I saw the project achieving something larger. I was more concerned with the full collection I would amass over the entire month than I was about writing fresh copy each day.

I see the challenge with fresh eyes. I did not have an outlined plan. In those non-plans, I did not account for a four-day migraine striking the first four days of the challenge or the short but severe reaction to my covid vaccination. I have shown up anyway. This is what my daily writing practice, inspired by Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, has cultivated in me.

The daily writing practice is emotional and spiritual weight training. I launch into writing without much worry about writer’s block because I am accustomed to getting the pen moving across the page. I am far less judgmental about the words that do land on the page or shuffle across the page because I embody Anne Lamott’s advice about being okay with a sh**ty first draft.

Mrs. D taught me the importance of concise writing in high school English classes. Verbosity was red-penned out of my drafts in her class. I state an idea and move on. Moderation would be useful here. It would be okay for me to dwell a little longer on the points I’m trying to make. I need to slow down and add more context. Because I’m trying to excavate my own experiences and thoughts, I notice a sense of discomfort and move on to the next sentence like a speed walker. I’d like to amble through my thoughts more. In this evaluation of where I am today, this is an area at which I want to keep working. I need more practice in going deeper. Asking more questions of myself and being content to push a little harder while also trusting the process.

I’m not lying, but I can feel like I am still hiding parts of the truth that I want to explore. This is life-long work of the writer. I need to push myself to new borderlines of discomfort.

I also recognize that it’s been a long, hard year and not everything on my mind is suitable for public consumption. My writing life is not known outside my inner circle. I’m striking a balance each time I write. I’m negotiating with myself and other imaginary audience members.

The advantage of this project right here right now is I have not managed a consistent posting schedule in this online space in a long time and uploading fresh words for the first ten days of a new month is a milestone to celebrate.

When I encountered Luke the horse during my equine assisted training weeks after my divorce was final, Bobbie, the horse whisperer, offered me this insight: You don’t have to do everything the hard way. It’s okay to take lessons from smaller teachers, in this case, a horse named Star. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard Bobbie’s words ricochet through my overthinking mind since.

Considering everything I have going on, my month’s progress is admirable. I have reason to be proud for the way I continue to show up for myself and this craft. I don’t have to be a household name for writing to be my life’s purpose. Let me say it more generally, our purpose doesn’t get real and touch real lives only when our contributions are picked up by a newspaper or amplified by social media. I am writing and posting to a site virtually no one knows about. Unlike previous Octobers, I have not posted about this on social media. It’s easier that way. When I’ve completed all 31 days, and I can see what developed, there’s a good chance I’ll tell more people, but until then, this project is for me.

Solvitur scribendo.

Latin for It is solved by writing. I am committed to understanding what I think, feel, and believe by writing my way there. Day by day. Month by Month. Year by Precious Year.