Goals

I have set two reading goals in the past two weeks. I reached both. In each case, neither of them felt possible, but as soon as I set them, an ignition switched on in my brain. The fog of other plans and distractions burned away.

I don’t remember setting achievable goals before I turned 40. I was too preoccupied with getting through everyday life to consider doing more. As the new decade approached, life turned upside down when I chose to end my marriage. I went from zero goals to 40. In January 2015 I began celebrating my birthday with a list of 40 activities to cross off throughout the year.

That list changed my life.

I did not put easy activities on the list. They challenged me physically—training for and running a 5k, lessons in ice skating, tennis and trapeze—and I rose to each occasion. I learned my limits like choosing not to try an advanced move as I flung myself off the trapeze platform. It was enough that I was there.

The list also kept me engaged and focused on what I could control in the months between filing for divorce and the paperwork being finalized. There were so many unknown factors in those early months, and the list helped me keep my equilibrium. It also reflected back to me my courage and strength. I have tapped into those wells many times in the years since.

After that year one friend called me her “goaliest” friend and another told me I attacked my list like a military operation. I smile at both of those descriptions. They are accurate. I haven’t done the same high volume of activities requiring the stamina, dedication, and tenacity of my 40/40 list since 2015. But in each challenge I take on, I feel the muscle memory of facing my fear and doing it anyway. Finishing these recent books are tiny goals compared to the List’s, but they gave me structure and something to work toward in weeks when life was bringing me down.

Choosing to write every day for 31 days is another way of tapping into my creative energy and focusing my attention on things I can control when life is a moving target. Writing every day brings a metronomic rhythm: reflect, write, post, go about the rest of my day, repeat.